“Infertility is not a mindset issue, and f**k any fertility coach who tells you otherwise”. Ooof. So says Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation this week. I agree.

Let's begin with an important issue and one which is maybe not well known outside the coaching profession:

Anyone can call themselves a coach. It is not a regulated industry. 

This is utter madness when certified coaches (like me, hi, it’s me) have spent thousands on the best qualification they could find (my training is accredited by three leading professional associations from renowned coaching school Animas); investing time and energy and hours coaching clients, getting supervised and building their practice using grounded, researched transformative coaching models.

Let me be straight from the start here: I started supporting people going through fertility struggles years before I was certified. 

At first it was just a calling and I did everything for free, building a community on Instagram. After doing my own mindset work and realising I needed to start to exchange what I was offering for money in order to grow it and for lots of other reasons, I gradually started to sell meditations, mindset courses and a membership. I did all this before I had a qualification on paper. 

So who do I think I am, calling out anyone else? 

Well, first of all, I never called myself a coach until I was in fact…a coach. 

I called myself a mentor and that’s exactly what I was doing at first. Mentoring is not coaching. Mentoring is using your own lived experience to support others. Coaching is using your training to explore with your client where they're at and how they can shift their perspectives and beliefs to get to where they want to get to; you do not have to have the same lived experience as your client to work with them (though in the fertility world, many of my clients tell me they appreciate that I do).

As my own professional development has evolved, so too have my programs and the way I hold space for my clients.

But the key thing, the MAIN THING, the most important bloody thing is that I never told anyone who I supported that by working on their mindset with me, they would improve their chances of conception or that the reason they couldn’t conceive was a mindset issue. I am not trained to do so. To use this as a marketing tool makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.

I love mindset work. Love it. I am all about the mindset. Learning about it has completely changed my life and the people who go through my courses and work with me 1:1 have incredible results. 

I understand the mind-body connection (although I am not an expert and have never professed to be). 

I am a spiritual person who loves manifestation (even mentioning spirituality or the ‘m’ word in the fertility world will divide huge swathes of people, that’s a whole other topic) so you’d think, with all that, I’d be flying the flag that mindset work can increase chances of success, right? NON. 

It’s a question of ethics and research. I simply cannot use anecdotal evidence and turn it into a marketing strategy by referring to ‘success rates’.

Even more than this, the work I do has nothing to do with people ‘achieving conception success’ and everything to do with reconnecting to who they are. 

I don’t tell people to ‘never give up’ on their dreams to conceive, but I DO tell them: “never give up on yourSELF”.

It is unethical to suggest to anyone that the reason they cannot conceive or they are having problems with their fertility is a result of a mindset block.

It is apportioning more blame to people who already feel wracked with self-loathing and body issues because they ‘can’t do what they’re supposed to be able to do’. Feelings of failure and shame do not need additional pressure because their mindset is ‘wrong’.

Let me also say that mindset work is AMAZING. It is life changing. With mindset in place, we can transform the experience of infertility; better, clearer decision making; much less stress; happier people resulting in what? Pregnancy? Yes, maybe. Quicker, gentler acceptance that donor conception is the best option? Possibly. The ability to find the support needed if it is time to stop treatment and choose another path? Yes. It will vary for each person. 

I am not referring to alternative therapists or any other professionals, I am specifically talking about my industry: the fertility coaching industry. We have a huge responsibility. Our clients are vulnerable. It enrages me that the industry makes millions of pounds while patients are wading through information minefields, trying to make huge decisions about where to next place their thousands in their quest to bring home a child. 

Fertility coaches should be the safest possible option for investment and the contracting should be crystal clear from the start of the relationship. Coaches should have total transparency about what they are trained to do and how they will do it.

The fertility coaching industry needs regulation and ethical marketing communications must be adhered to. The entire fertility industry - including some clinicians and healthcare professionals, must stop blaming people either inadvertently or not, for their infertility. 

It is not their fault.

Alice Rose

I’m running a free live event on April 21st and 22nd, Reclaiming You, for anyone trying to bring home a baby and finding themselves feeling lost; stuck in a ‘left behind’ mentality; exhausted and in comparison mode.  Read more about it, to see if it’s suitable for you and Join me by saving your space here.